Letter to a Princess
I'm scared of Princess Superstar and her new CD Princess Superstar. For one thing the haute, sexy Princess is too black and too proud for her own good. But when has humility been a virtue in the world of rap music? I wrote her a little love letter, hoping to be granted an audience with the illustrious one. Of course, she was off globetrotting, but in time she graciously replied to my humble query.
Q: Dearest Princess Superstar, I'm delighted by your latest musical offering. I'm so sick of indie rock angst, especially the skinny little white indie boys with big dick arrogance who don't share their floppy appendages and are terrified of using these said members. You, great lady, are not afraid to put your large penis where your mouth is, and I applaud you for it. Why are you so fearless?
A: I think if you are gonna do something you gotta do it balls out! (or balls in, perhaps in your case).
Q: You're a sister soldier tackling evil in the music industry. Calling your own record company "The Corrupt Conglomerate" is a subversive slap in the face to the wicked forces that be. Tell it on the James Baldwin Mountain! Tell it like it is, was and will be. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was no Sony, Wamer Bros, EMI, Capitol or Universal-MCA? What if everything became independent? I think that a revolution is afoot and your DIY spirit is at the forefront of it.
A: Yeah, major labels can suck a dick. Do you know how many meetings I have had with labels that are like: 'we don't really care about the creativity of the album, we need a minimum of 3 HITS on each record!' Ugh, I have always battled that mentality. No wonder there are no more albums like The Wall or anything like that - nobody is encouraging any creativity except in the underground!
Q: I love your sense of whimsy. You don't have to be dogmatic to educate. You have defiantly brought humor back to music, and also to the bedroom, where it belongs.
A: Humor is super important to me. Just to be happy in life but also, it can totally educate people while they are laughing. Like in my song with Jzone called "I love you", I am turning around hip-hop conventions by callin' him, "my ho" and then "my housewife!"
Q: Rumour has it you frequent the all-male burlesque palace, The Gaity, in midtown Manhattan. Tell me about it, highness? I didn't know the management of the Gaity allowed women other than Madonna, who used it as a location for some videos and her Sex book. I love all the young French Canadian concubines who are the mainstay of the place these days. French Canadians are shameless with those fine tight bodies and cruel club cocks. I adore them. I bought a boy for a mere $50 private er... urn... dance, at my hotel. He was quite gifted. I wish there was something like the Gaily in Los Angeles. LA is such a hick town once you remove the facade of glitz.
A: Listen, I LOVE the Gaity. It is one of my most favorite places on earth. They do let ME in for some reason.. I have had the pleasure of 'hangin' out with some of those French Canadians myself!
Q: You performed in Los Angeles recently. What's your take on Mrs.LA?
A: LA is a strange place for sure. I performed there only once, in a punk club called Al's Bar, which no longer exists. It was a cool show, but people just stare at you with a blank look on their face. That's ok too, after all, I AM gorgeous!!
Q: Love your off-kilter rhythms and your dynamic rhymes. You have a style that is truly original. You are a brainiac. Does it all come out quickly?
A: It comes out of me pretty quick when I am writing, but then I have to edit and rewrite and rewrite until it's totally perfect. I am quite a perfectionist when it comes to my music!
Q: I'm an old school Richard Kern style punk girl, so I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to modern rap and hip-hop. There was a time when rap and punk were very much akin back in the late 70s and early 80s. Of course, punk took a wrong turn when it became more suburban and less urban. Is that now happening to rap?
A: Yeah, and I am bringin' back punk rock to hip hop! they belong together!
Q: You are certainly no white-bread girl. You're a tough honky. Just the fact that you're mixed with Sicilian and Jewish. That's a scintillating combination. Dr. Laura Schlessinger (the famed radio and TV therapist) has a Sicilian war bride mother and a Jewish intellectual father. I love Dr. Laura! I don't care what all the fags say about her. I think she's hot!!!!
A: The Sicilian side gives me a big, nice ass, and the Jew side gives me a big, nice brain!
Q: Your production on the record is so old school it's actually new school. My favorites are "Bad Baby Sitter", "Wet, Wet, Wet" and the first track, "Super Fantasy". Every time I play the CD, I get something new out of it. Repeated listenings are a must. What was it like to collaborate with all your hot guest stars: Kool Keith, Beth Orton and Bahamadia? Who has drop-kicked whom lately in your world?
A: It was amazing to work with artists that you totally respect and admire; nothing better than that really! I wish I could say somethin' hot happened with Keith, but the truth was he was like an 8-year-old boy in wonderland. I think I scared him!
Q: Lately I'm sick of white boys, unless they have voluptuous booties. No pancakes with a slit for me. Hey, squirrel, what do you need to get your nut?
A: Shit, I have to agree with you. I like my Puerto Rican roughriecks and thugz who are soooo black they blue and straight outta prison.
Written by Amy Sohn